The Summer Settles

It has been raining for days, no sun, no break in the clouds, colder temperatures than we've seen this early in October in ages. Leaves have become crimson, auburn, gold and float across the yard carried by the wind that has been as non-stop as the rain and cold. Stepping outside for a few moments I witnessed the coyotes making their nightly venture through the old barn yard, yelping, yapping, yowling. This time of year especially, it seems, dog owners every where must be more vigilant and aware of when they let the dogs out to relieve themselves for the last time until the coming dawn. Open the door, listen carefully, beware before allowing man's best friend to run out into the dark yard.

Tonight I am alone in the big old farm house. Had I not grown up here I would likely be frightened, maybe a little edgy. The weather is classic setting for haunts and ghouls. Neighbors have asked to take pictures of their children dressed in Halloween costume in front of the house to add a creep factor to the photo. It's understandable. We had someone come to the house not long ago asking for help saying she thought no one lived here. It's a very old house. It has also not been kept up nearly as well as it should have been for years and years even before my brother, sister, and I came to own it. It's very drafty, cold all season through, yet it is home to two adult brothers and their two dogs, several feral cats, deer who gather near the road under the oak tree to dine on the fallen acorns, and any other wild creature that happens to amble through be it with permanent or temporary residence in mind. My intentions this evening were to watch scary movies by myself until I couldn't stand it anymore but I have made a change in plans. I started to listen to U2/No Line On The Horizon and somehow the horror movie fest took a backseat to introspection. This felt more timely, more important, like a better choice for me at this time.

Reading scripture has become a daily regiment, one that I look forward and miss if for some reason I run out the door and have not taken time to read, reflect, and meditate. I have coupled this with reading Madeleine L' Engle's books on Genesis and her trilogy of Crosswicks journals. I cannot say that any of this has made me a better person, as a matter of fact, it makes me aware of quite the opposite. I have a long way to go if I am looking to better myself. Thank God works and lack of vices are not a deciding factor in Saving Grace. These glimpses of Truth often bring me to a very quiet, humble, even humiliated state that I believe is a good place to be right now. It is only through mercy and grace that I can find comfort. And the Creator's great Love.

I am, and will always be, less than what I was created to be. Stubbornly holding onto things that really have no other purpose than to titillate, draw attention away from Good(ness). Anger, resentment, gossip, charged statements...pornography, empty relationships. L' Engle comments in 'And It Was Good' that Satan looks for pornography everywhere. And that is the deceiver's goal, to turn anything good into what is basically pornography, even literally. It's really strange how we find so little in our Creator to define ourselves and look to a fallen world instead to find comfort in what we've allowed to be tainted. We look at Truth and believe instead the deception and call that good. Thank God we have a Creator that loves, that we cannot understand even in the slightest, that we cannot label or explain as S/He really is. If God were what we have come to 'understand' then there would be no hope for redemption.

As this part of the planet slips into a 6 month slumber I am grateful that I know I cannot meet the standards we have set, that the Christ has not just taken our 'sin' upon Him but became sin so that we have hopes of redemption and a new Heaven and Earth. Bless each of us with the will to get through each day, the community that we need to support us, to listen, to bless us and for us to be a blessing to, Be in us and use us in ways we may never know or understand.