Saturday, May 22, 2010

Dogs will roll in anything except something that smells good to cover their scent. My dog, Rose, found some kind of animal feces to roll around in today while we walked back to the creek. I was walking, Rose and Gunner were hanging back and I had only looked away for a minute. I kid you not, it was probably less than a minute when she came trotting up next to me with a happy grin on her face, brown smear down the back of her neck and across her right shoulder smelling as if someone had dunked her in a septic tank.

My first instinct was to be angry but I new that wouldn't do any good. Rose would not understand that and it would just make me feel lousy for reacting badly. We were probably a 1/4 mile away from the creek and Rose does not like to go into the water but today she would be going like it or not. As we continued walking with me keeping an eye on Rose and my distance from her as well I couldn't help but start to think about all the 'shit' I've allowed myself to go back and wallow in. Dogs do it, people do it. Knowing some things aren't good for me and in fact may actually be harmful is not always enough to prevent me from delving into them time and time again, covering myself with the stink and knowing I shouldn't be doing it but there I am again. The difference between me and Rose is she doesn't want to wash it off. She wants to strut her foul smelling mess for all to see. I want to hide mine, appear to wash myself clean of it yet have it there for sometime later just to repeat it again. If it's something I'm not willing to have in the open then it's something I probably shouldn't have.

Rose took her dip in the water with a lot of help from me. She hated every moment of it but was fine with me when it was finished and she was washed clean. She came right up to me tail wagging expecting a pat on the head as we started back. The things that are hidden or secret are not so easily dealt with it seems. It's not so simple as washing these things away. We go back again and again and then coat our souls with grime that no one sees. But it's there. And it must be Washed away, cleansed, or it comes to the surface in other ways like how we treat others, the things we say about them, how we look at them, how we do our work... Just like Rose doesn't like to wash herself and needs help doing it no matter how much she hates it, I find myself doing the same in a sense. The Help is there to reach the places I can't but I have to be willing to let that happen and ask.


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