Thursday, March 04, 2010

Tomorrow I have a dental appointment to have a tooth removed. It's not something my dentist likes to do but it's gotten to the point where there really is no other option. Oddly, I'm okay with this. No, I do not want to lose a tooth, but I do get to keep my molar, it's in the back of my mouth, and it's been giving me trouble for years. If it could be saved that would be the preferred thing to do. What bothers me is the reason WHY I'm okay with this.

As I think about the appointment tomorrow I feel a sense of calm. I know my dentist and his assistant are good people who are going to take care of me while I am there. There's something wrong with feeling the only sense of relief and care that I feel comes from having to have a tooth pulled. I felt similar when I had a stress test a short time back. I felt cared for in the doctor's office and I don't feel that at home or at work or in any social settings these days. I would go to a counselor about it but THAT feels to comfortable too. I would love to have a counselor to listen to me again, support me, ask me questions, not tell me what to so, not beat up on me, not call me all sorts of obscene names like happens at work...what a sense of relief that would be. But is it a proper use of the service provided.

It's pretty extreme if I am actually somehow allowing my teeth to get to the point where they need immediate care and I'm doing that to get some sense of being cared for. It's pretty sick actually, if that's what I've done.

In the past I've rarely gone to the doctor or dentist. An annual physical was something I hadn't done until I turned 40. Even at that I skipped last years until this year. And as for the dentist I haven't been there for seven years. It was a good seven or more before that time that I had been and then it was an emergency. So I have to wonder just what the heck am I doing to myself?

I also have to understand that there has never been flouride in our water supply at home. We also used baking soda often to brush instead of toothpaste. Thinking back on it, I honestly believe that may have been to save money. Baking soda was far less expensive than toothpaste with flouride. We never went to the doctor when we were young. We didn't demand medications like people do today.

I really don't think I'm using my medical professionals to fill the need for social care that I feel is lacking in my life but I will admit, when most are stressed out with these situations, I look forward to them in part because I am not expected to perform, I am not going to be abused, nor will I feel like I'm not appreciated. When I am there I am treated like a person with respect and that gives me some comfort.

So...maybe I am using them to fill a need that I don't normally get.


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