Saturday, May 15, 2010

I'd like to know what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I'd like to visit my cousins who live out of state and I haven't seen for a very long time. I'd like to visit my cousins who live IN state and I haven't seen for a very long time. I'd like to catch the remaining feral cat that lives on our property that is not fixed and her new ornery kitten along with her. I'd like to feel like I know enough about what to do to fix up the house and get it cleaned up and enjoy it for about a month. I'd like to convince myself that I can actually do some of these things and DO them. I'd like to be a better neighbor. I'd like to live more like every day is my last. I'd like to say that I don't ever question my Faith but that wouldn't be honest. I'd like to love others more than I do right now and think less of me.

I have been blessed to be able to enjoy the outdoors with little distraction. Woods are just out my door and through the field. The dogs tag along, nature sings around me, breezes push me along, the sun warms my muscles and limbers me up for walking. It's difficult to not be selfish in thought and action. I try to remind myself to get out and do for my neighbors but I too often find it's easier to talk myself out of it. It's a far too lonely life that way though. Even so, it's no easier to go out the door with the intent of doing rather than distracting from everything that needs doing.

Cryptic? Intentional? Self-indulgent? Waste of time?


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