Monday, February 15, 2010

Struggle. I struggle every day to try and find something redeeming about a 16 year old who is currently in residence. Honestly I find nothing that makes this kid worthwhile and it's an awful feeling. He spits at staff, calls other boys filthy names, scratches, kicks, claws, bites, destroys things in the house, swears constantly...

For seven hours yesterday he had to be watched by two staff and often three while he tipped desks over, broke a door handle trying to get into a locked room, took very serious blows at staff, had to be redirected physically, argued with boys in the house who were saying nothing back just trying to ignore him. He's very volatile and really very dangerous. He's been threatening to beat an 11 year old boy. And there is no recourse accept to try to be respectful to him and treat him like he's human.

I do try very hard and have been struggling with reminding myself that yes, even this boy is a child of God. Before he was in the womb our Creator named him and knew him personally. It still remains very difficult to see this 16 year old as having any value what so ever. I know that's harsh but right now that's stronger to me than the fact that he is created and has purpose and worth. L'Engle wrote that there were people who seemed to constantly want to cause her harm. She decided finally to "bless the bastard". I think she's right, it doesn't make me feel much better about this boy but it is the right thing to ask for. Blessings. For this extremely unlikeable young adult.

Through this the 11 year old has remained quite calm and able to keep his own temper in check. He's come a long way. He used to be a terror but now he's able to see things a bit clearer and take things so  personally even when someone is directing their comments right at him. This should be an example of how this other young man can change, but right now it just isn't. The other young man remains unlovely in oh so many ways.

Change my focus and show a way to work with and accept what seems unworkable and unacceptable.


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