Saturday, June 26, 2010

A week ago this past Monday one of the boys from work learned that his mother had died that morning. He's been slowly digesting all of this for over a week now. He had asked if I could take him to the funeral and I initially said I would but then had to back out of it. My mother had a doctor's appointment that she needed me for and had planned it weeks ago.

He's a 16 year old Detroit boy who was living with his grandmother after his father left years ago and his mother lost custody. The last I knew we still didn't know cause of death though the boy figured it was likely an overdose or complications from drug use. Talking with him he told me that maybe he looked at things differently than others but he thought his mother's passing might have been the best thing to happen to her in years. The times he spent with her and saw her he said she was always sad and crying and never happy. He figures that has changed for her now. The funeral was yesterday and I don't know how that went yet but I will find out tomorrow. I'm expecting all sorts of emotions to start flooding as they should and he should take as long as he needs to work through yet another loss. He's been amazingly strong through this event.

My mother's doctor's appointment was follow up on some laser surgery she had done to relieve pressure in her eyes. The surgery had gone very well and this was a follow up to make sure things were still looking good and there were no complications. It was necessary to dilate her eyes and that's why I needed to be there with her. During the exam the doctor found something that caused her to think the my mom may have had a stroke at some point. There is a blind spot in each eye at exactly the same point. The problem had been one to the left side and the other the right she would have considered this a cause of sagging eyelid but since the spot is exactly the same area in each eye, the upper right hand side, she said she has to think that at some point mom had a stroke and didn't know. She also said mom was very lucky that it wasn't a bad stroke or one that impaired a part of her brain that controlled speech and movement. She went immediately to the third floor after to set up an appointment with a doctor to have a physical and blood work done in the coming weeks.

My sister and I talked about this later and both of us had noticed a couple of months ago that mom seemed to be slurring her ess's. We had both asked her about it at the time, separately, and of course she said nothing was wrong. So now we've had the talk with her about making sure to call immediately for help if she notices anything funny and to take an aspirin if she suspects anything. It's a relief that she's going to finally go to the doctor after having avoided one for years and years.

Our time here is of course limited and we have to make the best of it. The way we treat others, how we think of ourselves, the things we do with family, neighbors, friends, all should be weighed and considered important. I don't really want to move in with my mom if anything serious were to happen but I would have to consider it. She loves her independence and it would take a heavy toll on her if she were to somehow lose it. She would also feel guilty for 'being a burden'. But this is life, is it not? As of yet we don't have to go there but I can't help but start thinking about it now. 


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