Well, maybe birthdays aren't all they're cracked up to be. After spending a decent day at work on my birthday I spent the night of the next day in the hospitable emergency getting checked out. It was about 6:15 pm, I was attempting to quiet the boys down to get them in a space to move on. I was using my usual quiet but firm/you know what you need to do voice. Then there was a very sharp pain in my chest on the right side that lasted just a moment, long enough for me to take notice, and a flutter that lasted for a few seconds, long enough for me to start moving to my co-worker to let him know while it was happening that I didn't want to panic him but I wasn't sure what was happening but I may have to leave immediately. I made phone calls to supervisors who told me to keep a radio on me at all times, our campus wide means of communication, and to let them know if I needed anything.

I calmed down a bit, got the boys back under control, spoke with them about how awful they've been treating each other and that the rumors and mean talk had to stop in order for the house to function and be able to do things outside of the house. They took this pretty well and I felt better but still wasn't good. Some of the boys went to the gym, others stayed at the house with me while I tried to get a few more things done all the while keeping a radio at my hip. When the other boys returned I decided it was better to err on the side of caution and go to emergency. I left work about 8:15 pm and was at emergency just before 9. So far I'd done everything wrong in a situation where seconds count. Don't do this if you are ever in this situation. It was stupid and I know that and will NOT do this again if it should ever recur.

They admitted me right away and started tests and hooked me up to monitors. The pain and flutter had long since subsided but I was still having some issue taking a slow, deep breath. It helped me to know that I was finally where I should have been in the first place. Blood was drawn to check for enzyme levels, a calming pill that protects the heart in case of emergency was given and x-rays of my chest were taken. Then I just had to wait and see how things were going to turn out from the tests.

My initial doctor, first name Sarah (I don't recall her last name) put 2 and 2 together (my name and where I worked) and realized she had spoken with me earlier that night trying to reach one of our foster care workers. I had answered the phone and done my extra duty as campus wide secretary since the assessment center has closed and transferred her over to foster care with debating whether or not to go to the hospital. Coincidence? Fate? We seemed destined to meet face to face last night. She was very nice even when I realized she must be a Nazi. When it was the end of her shift she came into my room and asked if I wanted a remote for the television. I told her I was fine and that I already had the remote, that I just don't enjoy most television. It's actually the commercials that bother me. I don't have the patience for them. The book I am currently reading was just out of reach for me so I asked if she could get that for me. She did, noted the title, "Diary of a Young Girl" by Anne Frank. I shrugged my shoulders and admitted it was kind of heavy reading for a night like last night. Her response was literally, "Ann Frank. Oh what fun." with an approving smile on her face like reading the book is supposed to be enjoyment or something. There was no hint of sarcasm or jest so I have to assume anyone who thinks "Diary of a Young Girl" is a pleasure read is a Nazi. I'm grateful she didn't euthanize me on the spot but was instead very nice to me.

The next doctor came in and I don't remember his name either. I just recall that he took plenty of time to talk to the staff about his vacation in San Francisco and countless other things before entering any of the rooms to meet the patients. I have to admit though, this was entertaining, unlike the book I had been reading, and when he did finally come into the room he was well prepped and new exactly what had been going on and what was to happen. A very nice job by the San Francisco returnee. I imagine I would be preoccupied with reminisnences of my vacation throughout my entire overnight shift. He informed me there would be a second blood draw at midnight. I waited and at midnight it was a little creepy how the laughter increased in the common area, the voices got louder, there was an increase in activity all around. Blood was drawn, I simply had to wait and see how it came back. They were also trying to get my blood pressure down.

When I arrived my BP was 140 something/120 something. Really high and very unusual for me. In fact, it's the first time I've ever had blood pressure above normal. It's always checked out at about 112/71 with a heart rate of about 60 or less. My heartrate was up around 90. It's no wonder I felt awful previously. Between reading, listening to the staff out in the lobby, and staring at the ceiling I was deep breathing trying to calm and get my BP and HR back to where I know it should be. It took about three hours and some medication but it finally was back down to 113/67 and my HR was down to 57-58.

All of my tests came back fine. Enzyme levels undetectable so that meant no heart attack. But it is still a wake up call and I have to do a stress test which I have yet to set up. And I have a prescription for a blood pressure med for the time being and have to take my BP daily and keep watch of it. It also means that I have to start with more salads, raw nuts and fruits, lot's of vegetables and up my exercise to more than walking the dogs 4 times/week. I want to have my BP back to where it needs to be without the use of medications, though I will use them for now as prescribed.

I do not think this second doctor was a Nazi. He may have been gay or just a lover of San Francisco though I noticed he did not have a wedding ring. He was nice enough, distant from the patient but still very involved in the care.

Overall I have to rate this experience as a big suck but have no one but myself to blame for letting the stress of the job and at home get to me and not taking care of myself like I should. I got to my mother's, which is three blocks away from the hospital, around 1:30 AM.

Don't wait, don't ignore the signs, the world is a better place for having you and would miss you very much indeed, even in the grand scheme of things.