THE DAY THE LIGHTS WENT OUT

Every year where I work it is a very big undertaking to decorate for Christmas. My supervisor insists on it, doles out the varying responsibilities to the staff, washes his hands of it apart from making sure the orders he's set in place are carried out.

No one ever wants to do lights, especially the outside lights. This year the task was taken on by an older staff and he did a great job of it. Lights were strung around the entire house hanging from the gutters, outlining the roof. It was really very lovely.

I'm typically kind of a curmudgeon regarding Christmas at work and think too much is made of it. Presents are donated in nauseating numbers. People we've never heard of want to stop by and leave snacks and gifts for the boys. Guests are ushered through touring the house, set up by our financial department in an attempt to show off what we do and solicit funds for the coming year. The boys get antsy and irritable. The staff get antsy and irritable.

Pretty much the only thing that made this whole process bearable for me this year was the string of lights that were hung outside to border the roof line. I don't know why I haven't noticed how pretty that really does look but this year it did not get past me. I used the lights as a sign of hope in a year that has been pretty dismal in outlook for the Village.

Our Adventure Learning Center which drew outside clients as well as being used for therapy with residents and families has been closed. The house I worked in that was able to keep 12 boys closed it's doors. The Assessment Center which housed up to 24 residents and did the initial assessment of new residents closed down also. There are only 4 houses left open and I know of only one that is at full capacity. It happens to be the house that has the lights of Hope on it.

Dark comes early in the winter months and for two nights in a row I had walked the boys back after supper and sledding, to those lights shining in the dark. Even if the boys were still wound up these lights calmed me, gave me a reason to slow myself down and breathe deep.

On Monday we were told to turn off our Christmas lights during the day. The Village is in such a financial state of crisis that someone didn't want us to have the lights on then. I accepted that but somehow I didn't get around to it. Neither did the other staff that had been asked. It gets busy and it was presented to us as no big deal.

Tuesday an e-mail had been sent asking us to turn off the lights and I did unplug half of them. I got distracted and didn't get to the other half that morning and didn't think to send a resident out to unplug them. That afternoon two people from administration stopped by the house unannounced. One walked over and unplugged the Christmas lights then they both walked through the house looking it over. There was no explanation as to what they were looking for or why they were there. My personal suspicion is that it was solely to turn off the lights and to check out the staff and house to see why the lights weren't completely off after we'd been asked. No one said anything though. They walked through and then left.

Later my supervisor sent out a house e-mail with a forward of an e-mail he had received basically asking him why his staff refused to follow a directive they had been given. Yikes. So my supervisor was angry with his staff because the lights hadn't been turned off.

The next day he made sure to have me stay after my time to leave (after I had already come in early at his request) because he had not been able to confront this during team. Our team hours have been cut to save money. So many things we used to get done do not get done anymore. My supervisor stressed that this was a defiance of a directive that had been given. (It wasn't meant to be anything like that. Honestly, I had just felt other things needed my attention more than unplugging the Christmas lights outside.) He mentioned this kind of thing is the reason the Village is in the state it is currently. I know he meant the attitude that seemed to be "I will do what I want and not listen to my administration." but this was a string of Christmas lights. I took full responsibility and mentioned the lights being left on were not an act of aggression or defiance. We simply got distracted. I also pointed out that the Village is not in the state it's in because someone didn't unplug a string of Christmas lights. Instead it's because staff has not been properly trained, because there are two facilities on campus closed because of probation status, and we are not getting referrals because of the probations, not a string of lights. He said the lights weren't the issue. I said they obviously were to someone.

Anyway, the lights that gave me hope, felt like something good and positive in a very difficult time at work have been turned off.

I'll have to dig even deeper from now on.